Monday, January 17, 2005
17 January 2005. 1 month since my sweetheart left me. By right tomorrow will be our 9th month anniversary but from now on, I have to spent the 18th of each month alone. Went to our "Home Sweet Home" today to take this picture of the words which u carved on the tree 7 months ago. Went there yesterday too and memories of the times we were there made me cry again. Still remembered all the times so clearly, especially 25.06.04, the day i put our wedding band on her but all the memories will just be memories forever. The pavillion where we always put our bags, the grass patch in front of the statue where we rolled about on 11th May, the path where u 'ran away' from me so beautifully n so gracefully. Missed so many so many things. Missed the cookies u baked for me, the dinner u cooked for me, ur hug, u lying on my shoulder in the bus. But all these will never happen again.. This 1 month has really been very miserable for me. On the outside, I appear to be alright and getting alone well but inside me, I'm filled with so much misery n pain which I can't let her see. Crying every single day everytime I think of u but didn't tell u. At first thought that u can drop by and give me a "house visit" this coming friday like u saidu would last month but I realised that will never be possible. Dont think u will ever come and visit me again. This misery is eating me up slowly, bit by bit, with me getting weaker and more tired each day with all the chest pains and headaches and pains. Really wanted to be with u again so much. i love u so much and i realised my mistakes. y wont u give me another chance? do u really have no feelings for me anymore? is what u said really true? i dont believe. i never will. n what i do now perhaps will not bring u back to me anymore. i'm sorry sweetheart. i'm really sorry for all the things i've done wrong. Sorry that i cant be there to take care of you. i've really done a bad job and has been a bad and lousy boyfriend. no matter where i am, i will always look out for u n be there with u all the time, never to leave u. i will be the wind, always there and by your side. i love you sweetheart. forever n ever.. Happy 9th month anniversary in advance..