Monday, February 26, 2007
woke up with a very sian feeling today. in fact, did not sleep well yest. kept waking up halfway, everytime with the "sad" feeling. cant really explain this feeling. had it everytime something great and wonderful has ended. the something great and wonderful yest is prob the chingay. 2 days of practice and work and its over. some sort of pity feeling, one that is missing the event. it had really been a very memorable 2 days, going through the rehearsals, going to orchard, and especially yesterday, doing the actual thing. made many new friends, got to know many leaders from other units, got to know the commissioners better. in fact, we were taking pictures yesterday in the restricted area, right in the middle of orchard road, under the eyes of hunderds of members of the public. but we didnt care and continued to "parade" ourselves with more photo taking. it was indeed a wonderful and memorable day yesterday. 1 which i will never forget. and because of this, the feeling that everything is over and all the fun, chats and get togethers are over and its back to study time again got to me. it didnt even wait till this morning but came in the middle of the night.
other than this feeling which i seriously dont like, the rest of the day has been rather uneventful too. finished my tourism development project today. finally got it over and done with. that leaves me with 2 more projects and 4 more tutorials. though i managed to complete only 3 tutorials the past few days, its considered quite a lot as each tutorial is very long and very very tedious. got to chiong the rest of the tutorials this week and try to finish them by this week.
yeap. so that was the day. in the evening, went to marina south to have steamboat with some of the motar and pioneer specs and to "lau yu sheng". had a lift there from kanglun. thanks a lot.. talked and ate, before proceeding to yip's house to lau yu sheng. played blackjack after that and was initially losing but made a comeback later when talking to "xiao mei". haha. she really is my lucky star. went off at 11pm and now, i am back here in this quiet and lonely room which made me feel very trapped and stressed. haiz. think i better try to get some sleep. have a long day tomorrow. with test somemore. sian.. alright people. goodnight..
Sunday, February 25, 2007
let me start off by saying a big congradulations to all the scouts. WELL DONE guys. though it had not gone as well as it should have been, nonetheless, we did it. let these 2 nights be a time to be remembered in your lives. cub scouts, scouts, ventures, rovers, leaders and teachers.it had been a really remarkable 2 days. remarkable in the sense that we started off with many people being very confused about what we are doing to what we did yest and today. remarkable in the sense that it was such a memorable and fun 2 nights, days if you want to include the rehearsals at catholic high sch the past 2 days. remarkable in the sense that i made new friends with leaders from other units and got to know some commissioners better. let me now talk more about the past 2 days.started off with a full dress rehearsal at catholic high sch on fri at 1pm. because of the boys' common tests, we left sch only after 1pm. was already 2pm when we reached dhoby gaut. thinking that we were super late, we took 3 seperate cabs down to catholic high, only to find out that we were not the latest. had some practices there before heading down to orchard rd. our boys were the firing of pyrotechnic team. pretty cool stuff. rained heavily before setting off and moods were kind of dampened. good thing the rain stopped and the parade went on as usual. screwed up thing is that there were not enough buses and many had to stand all the way to orchard rd. parade 1 on fri started off with no major screw ups. the pyrotechnic team fired off successfully. saw the entire parade on fri nite. quite interesting this year. in fact, i think it is better than last year's chingay. entire parade ended at 10pm and as a result, many prob with buses arose as it was way past the scheduled time.then came sat. reached catholic high sch at 3pm sharp and we were one of the earliest sch to reach today. waited for other sch n units to arrive. when everybody is here, a short practice is conducted again. helped charles with giving the signal to prepare, arm n fire off the pyrotechnic as the scouts facing ngee ann city could not see charles. had a few photo taking sessions before setting off to orchard rd. all very well taken photos. very beautiful photos. cub scouts, scouts, ventures, rovers and leaders all together. rained before setting off again and like yest, stopped before we left. today, there were more buses and there is no need to stand thorughout the journey anymore. reached orchard at about 6pm. i was in 1 bus and the bus driver went the wrong way n arrived in the opp direction. forming up for the pre-parade took place shortly. while forming up, i took some pic with the commissioners and we were talking crap there. eveybody was so excited and scared. they are going to be on tv. but sadly, there was no media coverage on the scouts, even when they did such an impt take as to escort the president's float. nonetheless, everything went on as per normal. this time round, thing was not as good as yest. yi meng fired off without any signals from charles or me. and because of that, everybody fired off too. was so totally shocked when i heard they changed the tyres. after the pyrotechnic team fired off, we headed off to our area to watch the parade. went to look for serene and sara when the scouts are done. after that, went to coffeeclub at ngee ann city for a drink. chatted with them and had so much fun the entire night. so much so that i do not wish to leave and come back. there was a after parade where anybody can dance and party tonight. did not join in the part but had supper with sara and serene. came back to hall once again after everything is finished. why do happy and good things last so short? 2 days of hardwork is finished after jus a mere 1.5 hr parade. oh well. what is impt is the memories, fun and friendship made during these 2 days. hope to see all of you again. =) photos are in the link on the left.
with charles, 2 commissioners and the senior executive
Thursday, February 22, 2007
its founder's day today. 22 feb. parade was as per usual like in previous years. all went well today and was a job well done. great job everybody.
only managed to finish 1 and a half tutorial today instead of 2. wanted to do now but the undescribable feeling is back to haunt me again, making me very suffocated and feeling trapped. waiting for the feeling to die down a little before continuing with the tutorials. tonight will prob be another sleepless night again. just cant seem to sleep no matter how i try. and the thing is, i am not feeling tired even when i am only sleeping like 3 hours a day. will try to sleep tonight. i hope. shall keep this entry short. bye.
realised i had not blogged for only 1 week. had the impression that i had not done so for a very very long time. must be due to all the stuff going on. been very busy this week. chinese new year followed by this week of hectic stuff. founder's day tomorrow, or should i say, today. chingay on fri and sat. left with only sun to finish up all my work. 1500 word essay more or less done, i hope. 7 tutorials not done yet. hopefully i can finish at least 2 today. possible? hope so. pray. and that leaves 5 more to go. 0.5 tutorial on sat? then sun 2.5 tutorials. super big goal. i dont even know if that is possible or not. and i still have to finish up the remaining part of the essay, of which i am stuck now. sigh. so much work to do. and mid term test on mon!! ahh.. i'm going crazy. help Help HElp HELp HELP! how to finish all by this week? i'm going to need a miracle. a BIG miracle. give me strength Lord.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
Thursday, February 15, 2007
having insomnia recently. sigh.. have not slept for the past 2 days and have not been sleeping well for the past 2 weeks. felt so tired but just simply couldnt go to sleep the past 2 days. i dont know what is wrong with me either. just felt so restless when i lie on my bed. so restless, so energetic even though a moment ago i can be feeling tired. closed my eyes but they just cant remain closed. less than a minute later, i will open my eyes and toss around in bed. the feeling is so very horrible. then i will be feeling so tired during the day but so energetic once i lie down. what is wrong with my body? sigh. could it be due to the problems? too many worries. too many problems. too many things to think about. and now, having come back from the 5-hour meeting with tt and yj, i feel so tired but the moment i lie down, i feel wide awake. i know it sounds unbelievable but its true. my brain is prob too tired. cant think properly. couldnt even express what i am thinking or feeling just now. arg. feel so tired of so many things all of a sudden. alright then. goodnight people. i had better think of what i should do to kill the night. =(
Sunday, February 11, 2007
had really a super long and tiring weekend, starting from fri, ending yesterday at 11pm. boy, am i darn beat. founder's day parade rehearsal on fri, followed by campfire meeting and combined meeting discussion. after that, had to rush down to bishan park to help unload the spars for the pioneering comp on sat. and the bad news is? our location is located about 200m in the park, which means that we had to carry everything all the way from outside the park to our site. but we did well. 5 of us, finished carrying everything in about 20min.
sat morning, 7am, was back at bishan park again for the registration. went back to sch after that, and few hours later, was rushing back there again to bring water and lunch for them. simply a mad mad rush. hanged out there for about an hour before heading back to hall for a quick shower, and i mean QUICK. 2 minutes and i'm out. 10 minutes after i reached hall, i am out again. this time, having to head down to PA HQ for chingay 2007 full dress rehearsal and briefing. and talking about chingay 2007, singapore scouts association (SSA) will be involved. a contingent of 300 scouts (impressive right?) will be leading the parade. YES, scouts are leading the parade!! woo hoo.. so exciting.. the 1st contingent of 150 scouts will be escorting the president's float to the main VIP area before joining up with the other contingent of 150 scouts. after the president is seated, the entire contingent of 300 scouts will then start to lead the rest of the floats down orchard road!
impressive this may sound, i really hope hq will not screw up this event. there will be media coverage and the whole nation will be watching us live on tv on 24feb. yest's briefing and rehersal has been a huge terrible mess. its the full dress rehearsal yest and the scouts contingent had not even had a single full strength rehearsal yet. even the briefing details sent to us via email was screwed up. documents and maps were not attached. how do you expect all the teachers and leaders present to visualise and know the actual procedure. and hq has to have so many importand events all on the SAME day, pioneering competition, unit leaders' intro course and chingay full dress rehersal, just because the planners refused to give in to each other. so many schools are involved in the competition and are unable to attend. how is it possible to have a rehersal in this way? how to practice? all the other floats and dancers looked so grand yest in the full dress rehersal. we are the only one who are still trying to tie down details of what to do and helping to give suggestions, feedback and ideas of how to resolve all the difficulties we are having now. only around 30 cub scouts out of a full size of 200 were present yest. everybody else had already known what to do execept us. and we are LEADING the entire parade, not to mention being the presidential escorts. gosh.. we seriously need a full size rehearsal but there is no time. they even wanted the 23feb shop to be treated as the rehearsal. can you imagine it? my goodness. a contingent of 300 scouts, with only around 50 to 60 of them knowing what to do, going for the actual run on 23feb. how more absurd can this get? if this happens, scouts are going to be "famous". famous for screwing up chingay 2007, which i really hope it wont happen. sigh.. just have to pray for the best now i suppose. and that everything will run smoothly and scouts put up a good show.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
feeling very stressed and tired the past couple of weeks. just no energy to do anything. couldnt sleep well at night. feeling lethargic during the day. its so unlike me. dont know what's wrong. wish i knew the answer. 1st project due in 3 weeks time and i had totally no clue on how to start on it. 1st test coming up next tue and i had not started studying for it at all. not much time left but yet i am so tired to start anything. arg.. give me life and energy..
Thursday, February 01, 2007
title of the new music in my blog is "δΌ€", meaning hurt or sad in chinese. those who have speakers, do listen to the song. its a really nice song and that is what i am feeling now. sad, moody, unhappy and depressed. in a really bad emotional state this past week. what i used to love, what used to make me happy no longer does, at least for the past week. i dont know how or what to say either. i need an avenue to let out all the emotions welled up in me. i am so unhappy and sad now. help.. help me Lord.
sigh.. what is it that i want? what is my purpose? what do i want to do? believe it or not, i dont know the answer to these questions . have been feeling so very troubled lately. so many problems, so many issues, so many worries. and they are affecting me. feeling so very tired. tired of? i dont know. everything i guess. school, personal life, dreams. virtually almost everything. and now another issue arises. let me ask you a question. have you ever worked so very hard for something, and just as you are beginning to see the fruits of your labour, everyting is taken away from you? your labour, your fruits, your sweat and blood. i guess everybody had experienced this feeling before. and so do i. many many times. and in fact, it is happening again. right now. somehow, life is really unfair. life has never been fair in the 1st place, i know. but this is really just TOO unfair. why Lord? why is it that everything i do, i dont get to enjoy the fruits of my labour? i know and am also already prepared that some day, the fruits that i have harvested will eventually have to be given away for others to enjoy. but why am i feeling "sore" about it now? is it because i have yet to enjoy the fruit after working so hard for it? is it because they are taken away from me before they are ripe, before i can nuture more care into it? or is it because of some other reasons? i dont know. i kept asking myself this question as i did my quiet time and prayed just now. give me an answer Lord. help me out of this horrible feelings. right now, i feel that i dont even understand myself at all. i cant even understand why i am feeling so horribly. such a failure arent i? to actually not understand oneself. but thats me. not understanding myself well. my mind feel so blocked, so clogged with unsolved and unanswered questions and a whole long list of things which i dont know what to do about. i feel so sick, so tired, so unfairly treated and justified but what can i do about it? is there anything i can do about it? i can only turn to You when i have such problems, to escape them temporarily. but they still come back to haunt me. guide me Lord. help me. problems after problems, worries after worries, there is only so much i can endure. help me please, my dear Almighty.