Thursday, June 30, 2005
feeling a rush of emotions again these past 3 days. thinking and missing her a lot again suddenly. broke down today but for a short while. been such a long time and i'm on the verge of unable to take it anymore. this rush of emotions is probably the start and who knows how much longer i can control myself. how i wish she can forgive me and start all over again and be friends but it seems like she is unwilling to forgive me. trying ways to deceive myself. may succeed in doing so but in the end, i still cant deceive my heart. and now, it is starting to prove that it cant be deceived no matter how much i try to. ahhh.. heaven and god help me.....
Thursday, June 16, 2005
16 june 2005.... exactly 6 months since she left me. and its thursday today, exactly the same day 6 months ago when she left me. coincidence? or fated? or just a cruel prank by heaven? still no reply from her. i suppose i wont get any anymore. been a long torturing 6 months. hopefully, the pain will get lesser as time pass by, if it really is true. so far, it doesnt seem to be true.. ahhh.... help.....
really dont know what to do now. to tell her or not to tell her? so many things have gone wrong and badly this past few months. felt so miserable and lost. totally dont feel like doing anything at all. trying everyday not to miss her or think of her but i cant. somehow, i will still miss her so much so much. even when i am not thinking of her, something must appear to remind me of her. saw someone wearing the same pink 3/4 sleeve shirt, exactly the same as hers on mon while in malaysia. and so many times, passed by people who are using the same perfume as her. why is heaven playing such a prank on me? not only have i failed in my love, my life, i failed in my results too. did so badly again this semester. i did put in effort but why is it that everytime i did so badly. why am i so stupid, such a failure? will anything ever be right for me? will there be a hope? i really wonder. how i wish i can see her or talk to her once more. to have a nice good talk with her... will my wish come true? god help me..........................
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
been really a long time since i wrote here. firstly, dont feel like writing cause there seems to be nothing to write about anymore. secondly, no time to write also. whenever feel like writing something, when online, dont feel like already. thirdly, nobody reads this anyway so it doesnt matter if i write anything or not. today is quite a miracle that i am actually writing something. but what can i write? still the same old thing. miss her a lot but yet cant contact her or talk to her. everyday trying so hard to tell myself not to do so. really so difficult and painful to do so. although its been 3 weeks since i last 'talked' to her and more than 2 months since i last saw her, the pain is still not getting any lesser. really feel like having a talk with her to sort things out. a calm talk, unlike the ones last times which always end up in more hurt, arguments or her if i being angry with me. but will i have the courage to ask her for a talk? i promise this will be a calm talk but if i dont ask her, what's the point of this promise? ah........
Thursday, June 02, 2005
miss her so very much. wonder how she is now and what she is doing now. want to contact her so much but yet have to restraint myself to do so. really hope she can forgive me and give me a call or sms soon. miss her so much so much. haiz.. dont know what else to write. stop here...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
the past 4 days have been so torturting and tormenting. waking up each morning, only being unable to call her or sms her. the sense of lonliness and pain is so overwhelming. liked to contact her so very much but yet i cant. this feeling is so unbearable. all my fault that things turned out this way now. only wish now is that she can forgive me and give me another chance. i promise that i wont do it again. if only she will give me another chance and start all over again. i already am trying to change. trying to create the miracle she had always hoped for. if only she will give me another chance, talk to her, meet her, go out with her and be friends like how we used to be.. reaaly hope that she will forgive me again. i'm begging for her forgiveness now.... i'm really very very sorry. 对不起.. 我知错了. 原谅我吧, 好吗?