Saturday, March 24, 2007
WAR ended officially yesterday night on a high note. thank God everything went well and smoothly, all thanks to my efficient program comm members. had great fun.. really really lots of great fun and memories. my members from program comm were looking so great yest in their gowns and suits. main comm table looked great too. haha. 8 months of planning and all was over in a mere 3 to 4 hours. but it was all worth it. very very worth it. and guess what, for the 1st time in 24 years, i wont my 1st luck draw prize. WOW.. i had never won any lucky draw prizes before and i wont yesterday. haha. the prize was a full priviledge card to butterfactory, a clun at robertson quay. because i dont go clubbing, i gave the prize away. but still, i did win a lucky draw.. haha.. glad to have a good committee. without them, WAR wont be a success. special thanks goes out to tiffany, audrey, shazzy, sara, qianlan, putra, aron, jiarui and kevin for making everything run smoothly yest. and to the other members who did not help out yest, your efforts for the past 8 months are greatly appreciated too. thanks a lot guys. all of you are a great bunch of ppl.
Friday, March 23, 2007
its 3.16am in the morning. i cant slp. this time its not because i am feeling down or moody. on the contary, i am excited now. in fact, i have been feeling this way since 630pm earlier in the evening. have been waiting for the day to end on thursday since last week. when i say the day to end, it means that the lectures and lessons have ended and i am free to do what i want to do. and when i finished my lessons at 630pm, the joy just overwhelmed me. no more boring lectures, no more tutorials, no more not understanding what is going on. at least for this week. at that particular moment in time, i let go off all my worries about the CAs, the assignments that are due soon and whatever problems i have. i was filled with adrenalin. i was happy. and why i am so excited and happy, to the extend that i can forget my stress and problems for the rest of the week? the reason is this. tomorrow is the night of DnD. or should i say, tonight. its already the 23rd of march, friday. the DnD which we have been planning for the past 8 months is about to unfold in about 16 hours time. WAR. yes it is. WAR, the brainchild of my committee, will erupt in 16 hours time at Mariott Hotel. the thought of it is just exhilarating. finally, the day has come. i am tired but yet alert at the same time due to the adrenalin pumping through my body now. i know i ought to get some rest, considering that i have not been sleeping well the past few nights, clocking a mere 5 hrs over the past few days. maybe i will try to catch a short nap after this entry. i cant wait for 8am to arrive. its when i start work for the grand day. 8am, all the way till past 11pm at night. goooooooosh.. this is gonna be so fun and exciting and whatever words there are. i am out of words to describe my excitment now. alright. will update again after WAR tomorrow. haha.. YAYNESSSSSS!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
its 4.36am on tue morning. as you may have guessed, either by my previous entries or knowing me, i couldnt slp again. i didnt slp last fri night and now, i am not sleeping again. feeling really really stressed, down, moody and depressed recently. recent entries have not been happy or cheerful entries. they were gloomy, dark and cold entries with obvious signs of anger and frustration. this entry will be pretty much be the same. so many problems and issues within these few wks. DnD is on this coming fri. hopefully it will be a success. Grant A Wish was a success last thur. initially planned to raise the amount of close to $1000 over 2 days but the amount was achieved in a mere 3 hours. Praise the Lord! with hall comms coming to a close soon, DnD will be the final event i am involved in. school work wise, assignments and term papers are due in a couple of weeks time. my progress has been ultimately slow. have not even started on either term paper yet. God help me through these 2 term papers and assignments. at least there is something comforting to know about. i have finished all the tutorials which i have not done. that is really very comforting to know indeed. what is left are the soon to be due assignments and term papers. worse still, i dont understand a single bit of topics 2 and 3 of part 2 of the module Compressible and Unsteady Flow. the symbols are making my head spin. getting real worried. Mechanics of Thin Walled Structures is not any better either. ask me to do the tutorial questions again, i doubt i will be able to do so without refering to the notes or answers. i have no confidence in these 2 aeronautical engineering modules. sigh. other than school work, other issues have been causing me to be really very temperamental recently. i dont know but i think i made xiaomei angry. sigh. troop issues have more or less been resolved, i hope. ndp training will commence this sat. campfires period is starting soon with 2 campfires on 14 april. our own campfire's progress is very slow. have to really rush everybody, especially the guides. will be "shadowing" as an observer in the upcoming april cord hike before i can be an assistant examiner and help to plan 2 more rounds of cord hikes before i am qualified as an examiner. i am tired. i am not feeling good. i dont like the current moody, depressed, down and temperamental state that i am in now. i feel like going out to de-stress, doing things which i like to do. to just simply walk around in the nice cooling night and not think of all the school work and non-school problems. i want to be at a place where there are people, where there is life, unlike in hall which is so quiet with nobody, especially in the weekends. i cant stand the quietness. feel so trapped, so mentally taxing and draining. that is the reason why i am out till late at night on fri and sat nights. i feel so relaxed when i am outside where there are people, where it is not quiet. i want to go on a night hike, an overnight hike. been such a long time since i did so. i just want to do things i want to do and like to do but i have been unable to do so. this explains why i am so unhappy, moody, down and angry. i hate the state that i am in now. seriously hate it. and i have no choice but to go through it. hopefully i can get out of this state soon and start to do things which i like to do again. i shall wait for that day to come. meanwhile, i had to endure, endure and nothing but endure. i can do it. i know i can. i must. alright. time to get back to work. hopefully the next entry will be a more cheerful one.
Friday, March 09, 2007
was listening to my music this morning. its so relaxing. been such a long time since i did nothing but just listening and enjoying my songs. initially decided to not do anything this morning. some of the songs brought back certain emotions, feelings and emotions i am not very affected by it anymore. after talking to xiaomei yest, told myself that i will really take up more of an observer role. feel so much more relaxed now with the "burden" gone and my songs to accompany me this morning. after a while, i decided to do some work. and... i managed to finish up 1 tutorial on compressible and unsteady flow. that tutorial has been bugging me for so very long. althought i only did 2 questions to finish up the 1st tutorial and there are 2 more to go, at least its 1 tutorial down. YAYNESS! haha. today is going to be a good day. i know it will be. but for now, i better go wash up. have a lecture at 10am and its already 9.50am!! before it spoil my day, u better rush off. will update again.
ok. i am less angry today. but still angry nonetheless..
oh.. and rebecca said these words of wisdom to me this afternoon: "those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind." these 11 words set me thinking many times today. who are those who matter and who are those who dont? who are those who mind and who are those who dont? guess i kind of have the answer. i think. but its still not easy. how do i truly ignore these people? let them be and just watch with my 2 eyes. yeap. i will do just that, like what xiaomei said i should do. stay 1 side and WATCH. so, its CYCLOPS eye power from now on.. YAYNESS...
Thursday, March 08, 2007
back again for another post. just saw a friend's personal message on msn. this is what it said: "fuck care what people say. do what you deem right."
xiaomei said almost the same thing too earlier on: "Sometimes you dun have to be bothered about what ppl say de ..... But just be yourself. They want to say anything. Let them be.. Its okays."
how true.. i shall heed xiaomei's advice. i shouldnt be bothered. i have not done anything wrong. why should i be so bothered with what ALL OF YOU say? my conscience is clear. i will CONTINUE doing what i am doing. stop me? try harder if you can. i will not let you have it your way. i have my EYES on YOU. listen and listen well.
I HAVE MY EYES ON YOU!
i will be on your back, i will haunt you, my eyes will be watching you like a vulture eyeing a dying sheep. think you are big? think you are really good? i will see how big and arrogant you can get. you WATCH OUT. think he is better? all of you who look down on me, i will show you that all of your judgement is wrong. just you people wait.
this post will prob not make much sense to most of you. what can i say? i am so totally speechless, taken aback and shocked by what was mentioned in the mail. think you are so good? think you are so great? think you are really so big? oh please come on. just dont bl**dy take it too far. keeping quiet doesnt mean you can climb over my head. push me too far i make sure you f***ing get it from me. dont think i dont dare to do anything. dont try me. you want it? you can have it. by all means!! say what you want! do what you want! i shall see and time will tell. God will know and have His judgement.
sorry that i am pouring out my anger here. i am really just so pissed right now. my avenue of pouring out my feelings. pardon me for the coarse language used. not for childeren under 15.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
very highly stressed these days. so many assignments and term papers due. plus so many event coming up. so many things to do and yet so little time. and not to mention problems in my unit. sigh.. what should i do? well, i should not think bout it. xiaomei just told me not to think and to have a good night sleep tonight. maybe i should do just that. heck all the undone tutorials, assignments, term papers, projects, events and problems and have a good night sleep tonight, hopefully. alrite. will blog again, if i have time.
Friday, March 02, 2007
its 1.40am now on fri morning. couldnt sleep again, as the title of this entry said it all. weather has been very nice this 2 nights as it had been raining from wed afternoon, (or is it morning?) to earlier tonight. despite the nice cold weather which is so very nice for sleeping, i couldnt sleep well on wed night. kept waking up in the middle of the night. felt even more tired this morning as compared to when i did not sleep at all. and tonight, i was full of energy again. went to the gym to dispense of the excess energy. now that i'm back in my room again, i couldnt sleep nor do any work and hence here i am, trying to update this blog and listening to music. last entry was on sun night-monday morning. 1 week is almost gone again. time really flies and exams are drawing closer and closer again and before i know it, its going to stare at me right in the face. 2 more term papers are not done, design project is behind time and i'm having problems with tutorials. stress, stress and more stress. dinner and dance is coming up in 3 weeks. the moment of truth will be here in 3 weeks. grant-a-wish project is here in 2 weeks time. workshop in 2 weeks time. ndp training starting soon. so many things, so little time. got to trust in the Lord and to let Him guide me along this difficult path so that i will be able to survive this period of time. decided to take special term too in may so that i can clear all my UEM by this june. that will leave me with only 3 TE modules over the next 2 sem. hopefully, the exams in sem 1 next academic yr will not clash again. been 3 years. its time i get it done and over with. yes. i am going to do it. many of you will not know what i am talking bout. prob my little xiao mei n ah-nan may roughly guess what in the world i am rattling about. going to let another person know later in the day. its ok if you are scratching your head now. if i succeed, more will know, so hopfully i can succeed. 1 year. i am giving myself 1 year from june this yr to achieve it. long day tomorrow and in the weekend ahead. give me strength Lord to go through it again. i have not relaxed for quite some time already, other than during cny. alright. better get back to getting some work done. to my friends and loyal blog readers who have been reading my blog, pray for me yah. and do drop some comments in the tag box or "guestbook". haha. God bless.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6