Friday, November 11, 2005
feeling extremely down now. had a very 'bad' bus trip back home just now. was at the bus stop at harbourfront when i saw someone who looked very much like her. her height, her size, her hairstyle and the way she put on the hairband. when the bus arrived, realised that she is also taking the same bus. saw the name on her tshirt while on the bus and my heart skipped a beat and sank when i saw it. her name was exactly the same as hers. she actually had the same name as her. at that moment, i took a closer look at her but no, it wasnt her. thought that my eyes were playing a trick on me, making my brain think that its another person when it is actually her. she had so many things in common. height, size, hairstyle, name. and the fact that she is also taking bus 30 really made me pretty sure that i am hallucinating, that the person right before my eyes is actually her. but could it really be her? could it be her taking 30 to eunos before switching bus to 60 or 21 home? really had such a strong feeling that it indeed is her. had a second, a third and a fourth look and each time, it wasnt her. was feeling so very terrible and upset. why must i meet somebody who looks so much like her, and even had the same name as her but yet its not her? why is life playing such a prank on me? arent i miserable enough? havent i been sad enough? already, i could not forget her or get her out of my mind and why must i meet someone who reminded me so much of her? and now, i'm feeling so very miserable. the confirmation that the person is not her came when i alighted the bus. she alighted at the same bus stop as me. so indeed, the person is really not her but the feeling i had now is so very painful. but well, i'm already 'numb' to the pain already so doesnt really matter actually. this pain is probably going to stay for a long long time.