Saturday, July 23, 2005
why cant she give me another chance? i already said i'm sorry. i'm already trying to change, trying to move on. is it really so hard to be friends again like how we used to be? i'm really very sorry. i really am. but is it of any use now? i want another chance but it seems like there is none. is there anymore meaning left? cant find any anymore. no more, no longer....
Sunday, July 17, 2005
wondered how she is feeling now. saw her blog and saw tat she had a fever on fri. hope her fever is gone and is feeling better now. wanted to call her or drop her an sms but yet i cant do so. should i break my promise and do so? very worried about her.... tomorrow is the 18th again. spent this day last year at the airport with her. was our 3rd anniversary then. went to sakae at the airport for lunch after which we went to coffeebean, or is it starbucks, to study. spilled my ice blended chocolate drink but managed to get a replacement free. was a memorable day then but tomorrow probably going to spend the day alone and sadly. school is gonna reopen soon and the i probably going to feel lonely and miss and think of her even more when i dont have scouts to sedate me anymore. may i be able to pull through this..
Friday, July 08, 2005
still no replies from her. miss her even more after seeing her yesterday. really wonder if i will ever get to see her again. really hope to be able to have a talk with her face to face, to clear up everything. is it that she did not receive my emails or is it that she still will not forgive me and is ignoring me? want to contact her but yet i cant do so. what should i do? what can i do? to continue to wait in this pain forever, hoping that 1 day, she will stop ignoring me? or to take it as that we are from now on, strangers? life? what is life? i wish i know the answer. how i wish so..
Thursday, July 07, 2005
dont know if i should feel happy or sad. is it a chance given by heaven? can i call it a chance? saw her just now at tampines while waiting for a friend but dont think she saw me. so happy to see her just now. saw her for the 1st time in almost 3 months. wanted so much to go say hello to her but yet dont have the courage to do so. dont know how she will react also. in the end, can only see her from afar. wondered if she is ok as she looks so tired. and again, cant do so either. really hope she is alright. worried for her yet i cant do anything, except to pray for her that she is alright. dont know if i will ever get to see her face to face again, as a friend, and not from a distance away. to be only able to see her from a distance away and unable to go say hello is so painful. when will this pain go away? or will it?
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
did she receive my emails? did she read them? is she still angry with me? i'm really sorry for hurting her. just want her to forgive me and start all over again, be friends again. why cant she forgive me? i'm really really sorry and seriously want to seek her forgiveness. i already said i wont let what happened happen again. i just want another chance. 1 last chance. this is my wish and yet it cant be fulfilled. why is she so hard-hearted to me? i also said i'm sorry already. what must i do that she will forgive me? have i lost her as a friend forever? are we really strangers from now till the day i breathe my last? i dont want that to happen. i dont want to. i really dont. what should i do? oh god. oh heaven. please tell me what to do. i'm already at my wits end. please help me. please...
Sunday, July 03, 2005
its now almost 3am in the morning. though i am very tired, i cant fall asleep. kept thinking of her. again and again. thought about how she is now, if she is fine, how did she do for her exams etc. wanted to ask her so many things but yet i cant at all. this is so torturing, unable to do something which you want to do. even watching tv reminds me of her. some of the scenes in the show are exactly what we used to do before. the guy kissing the gal, holding hands, playing around etc. and the music of the shows are so sad, making me even more emotional and want to cry. worse still, even the book i'm reading is also describing how loving the couple is, the wife hugging the husband. i'm really going crazy already. the whole world and everything seems to be reminding me of the things and times we had in the past and kept making me think and miss her. how am i going to survive like that? i feel that i'm reaching my limit very soon. just a matter of time before eveything is proven and confirmed. then, all will just be a memory. god, help me please.. i'm at my wits end..
Saturday, July 02, 2005
just came back from district meeting. so many things reminded me of her today. missed her so very badly again recently. almost reaching my peak. wonder how long i can endure and deceive myself. Sharon, if you are reading this, i just want to say i'm very sorry. Dont know if you saw my emails or will be reading this. If you are, please give me another chance and forgive me. Lets start all over again and be friends again. Please, i'm really sorry. Please forgive me.