Thursday, January 27, 2005
finally finished my 10 hours of lessons today. what a terrible day. didnt have any breaks at all throughout the day. haiz.. at least the comforting thing is that i got to talk to her for about 30 plus minutes after lessons ended. although not much compared to the past, it was enough to lift my spirits up a bit. really missed her so much during the day, every single day. it was so comforting to be able to receive her sms in the middle of the lectures of tutorials, when it was so boring and torturing. today is probably one of the very very few rare times when i can get to talk to her. other times, she will be very busy already and chances to talk will be so little. dont know how to get past those days when i cant get to hear her voice or sms her. she's having a very bad ulcer in her mouth and its causing her a lot of pain and i feel so bad that i cant do anything about it. painful it may be, but what i can do now is only just to ask her how she is everyday and pray for her that it will heal soon so that her pain will end fast.
haiz.. days are so lonely without her. really feel so cold, so dark and so lonely without her. miss her and thinking of her so much all the time. feelings are uplifeted when talking to her but after she hang up, i feel so sad again. was so reluctant to hang up the phone just now but i have no choice. felt even worse when i went back to my room cos this place reminded me of the times when we used to study together. totally no mood to do any tutorials or to study at all. just like yesterday, although tutorials are piling up to a mountain, when i came back at 415, i just cant start any work and broke down every now and then, all the way till 9. haiz.. maybe i shld study elsewhere and come back only to sleep. but i miss this room also. ahhh.... really going crazy and i mean crazy. am i going to lose my mind soon? thought i heard voices scolding and talking to me. hope its my imagination.. if its not, why bother also..