Sunday, January 30, 2005
i was right. today is a rather good day. well, in a way actually. its not 100% nice. finished my tutorial due next week today, although i took like 2 to 3 hours to do so. in the end, went out late. wanted to gout at 2pm but in the end, went out at 530pm instead. but by doing so, i managed to pack dinner before going out. in this way, i dont have to rush back by 830pm to pack dinner. i can slowly take my time to go out. went to chinatown to see the chinese new year stuff there. as usual, its super crowded. sad thing is that i went there alone while most people went in pairs or with their family. haiz.. how i wish she was there with me. already though of wanting to go chinatown with her last year. thought that i will be able to but things just turn out not the way you wanted everytime. wanted to talk to her online but in the end, she cant come online as its already very late. looks like its going to be another lonely night alone. think maybe i will go to bed early tonight.
well, today is quite a 'balanced day' i thought. i did my work, i went out, and as usual, the crying and tearing. think this will be a part of my daily life from now on. i just cant stop myself from tearing. it just came so naturally. haiz.. why am i so emotional? is it a bad or good point to be so emotional and to put so much feelings into things? it would have been a day which is better than other days if i had not tat stupid bad chest pain again. so irritating to come while i was shopping and looking at things in chinatown. so pain and uncomfortable, totally spoiling the mood to shop and look around. also didnt dare to tell her as i was scared that she will be angry again. dont want her to worry bout me or to live in fear for me anymore. i had cause her enough problems, trouble, sorrow, hurt and tears. i have let her down so many times and its time i stop doing so.....