Monday, January 31, 2005
just finished chatting with her online. it was just a nice chat.. have not chatteed with her online for a very long time after she started school. felt very emotional when chatting with her just now. told me that she had more joy than tears when she was with me. couldnt control myself when she said that n i teared again.. in fact, i still am crying now. i dont know, but i just felt so useless, that i cant even give her all the happiness she needs. i was such a bad boyfriend, to give her so many problems. was very very touched when she said she said that. the memories of the happy times we once had together came back into my mind and its like i can see them right in front of my eyes. those times when we went out together for meals, to watch movies or even simply to just study, when she was smiling and laughing. the image of her smiling and laughing is still so vivid and so real in my mind, like as if she is right here beside me at that moment. miss her lying on my shoulders so much. can still remember her saying they are so comfortable. told her then that my shoulders will only be left for her to lie on only and no other girls will ever lie on them except her. this is true in the past and it always will be. my shoulders are only meant for her.. her and only her only.. now what's left are just memories of the past. what the future holds is really a big mystery.. i dont even dare to think that far out. i just think about tomorrow at the most now. when people talk about what will be happening or what will take place next month, what they are going to do in march or april, or on this date or that date, i just dont share the same enthusiasism with them anymore. it all look so far and distant away. it felt as if i will never reach those days or dates ever. dont know how to explain that feeling but i just feel like i dont know if i can make it to those days or not. everyday is so slow, so lonely and so void of life for me. life will never be the same again.. that is something i know i have to try to accept.. goodnight everybody..