Tuesday, February 15, 2005
15feb.. 1 year ago was the first time that i got to meet up with her and sort of talk to her person to person while planning the combined hike routes.. before that, didnt have the chance to talk to her.. everytime is just talking to the whole lot of people as a whole but that day was the first time i got to talk to her in person, face to face..
had such a terrible headache today.. almost got into accidents a few times.. almost fell off the stairs twice and almost hit by a car in town also.. hehe.. but nothing happened in the end also.. i am still here now, writing this entry.
so sorry to have made you so worried just now.. *a million apologies* really didnt mean to make you worried.. sorry sweetheart.. was very touched when u said u teared.. that left me thinking, what if i really did have an accident and cant reply your sms or call you ever again just now. will you be able to find out what happened to me and if you do, when will that be? the pain in my head was building so fast and so badly that i thought its going to explode soon. and what if one day or night, something did happen and i did not manage to wake up again, and could not sms you in the morning again, how will you react? if that happens, there is only 1 thing i ask for and that is that i hope you can come to my wake and see me one last time for i would like to see you once last time although i dont know if after i'm gone, i can still 'see' you or not.. dont know what's it like when a person is dead also. will the soul still linger around to 'see' and 'be with' the loved ones for the last time or is there no such thing as a soul? very glad to hear you call me baby again and that you are very scared in the sms just now. even if anything is to happen, i will have no regrets and can rest in peace also already, knowing that you are still concerned about me. the word 'baby' means so much to me now. even if it does not mean what it used to mean when we were still together, i will still choose to 'deceive' myself that it is. at least by doing that, i can leave happily. but i hope it has the same meaning as in the past. i really hope so.. love you forever, my dear.....