Tuesday, February 01, 2005
CENSOREDwhat a damn bloody "nice" day.. haha.. what can be worse? the whole world doesnt believe or trust me.. am i so damn not trustworthy, so cannot be trusted to her, to everybody? huh??!! somebody answer me!!!! what in the the bloody damn world can get worse than a bloody stupid asshole here? why did you even bother to try so hard for? you are no longer what you used to be in her heart anymore. you're just a nobody.. a NOBODY understand? the most you are is just a friend to her. you no longer have a special placing in her heart anymore. what you are trying to do aren't even appreciated so what the hell are you trying so hard for? cant you just fucking hell wake up your ideas? she's just treating you as a NORMAL friend. get it? normal friend. a friend who she wants to pay him for the chocolates he gave her. paying him for something which is supposed to be a gift. paying for anything he gets for her. you have come to a point where you cant even give her gifts anymore. any gifts which you give her, she will want to pay you back. any treat you give her, she wont want to accept. you have to say you wont accept the money and stuff before there is a chance that she wolnt pay you back. you dont even have the right, as a friend, to give her treats or gifts or just even to just meet up once a week anymore. she just sees no need to meet up even as a friend. and to meet her, you actually have to get the 'excuse' of wanting to pass her something then can meet her. if not, she wont want to meet even though both of you are in the same place. she dont even believe that your chest pains are real but are just caused by you mind, that its all psychological.. haha.. yah and she's right.. you dont understand her. how will you as a non christian ever be able to understand her? she will just think that you are just trying to stop her from going to church. come on.. accept it. you are no longer her first priorty, or were you even are in the first place? going to church and spending time with her members are her first priority now. why will she want to spend time with you, with a person who is going to hell, when she has already wanted to dedicate her time to god? why will she want you to accompany her to church on sun when she can be happier with her members? what's the use of you trying to ask her out on the supposed outing on sat and then accompanying her to church on sun, in the hope that you can try to accept her religion? there's no pt in trying. all the things you did, trying to change are all useless. she said she still love you but so? yah she's right.. so? she love you but the fact is still that you 2 cant be together. she chose to give you up eventually. you can only blame yourself for being unable to accept her religion and convert. it all your damn fucking fault from the start. what's the use of missing all the times you had with her in the past? n thinking of her all the time? is she thinking of you? is she thinking or missing of the past, the times you 2 had together once? she has even forgotten what she wished for during her bday last year. she is trying to forget the past cant you see? she is getting on fine and well without you. you cant 'survive' without her, without talking to her, but she can want to not talk to you when she is angry or has misunderstood you. to her, you are just trying to stop her from going to church. to her, you are a non christian and she is a christian and because of that, you will never be able to understand her or encourage her. like she said, "why would a non christian encourage a christian to go to church?" you are such a person to her. you are not important to her anymore. you are no more her sweetheart, her best love, the best boyfriend to her. you are the best prob because you are her first boyfriend so naturally her best then. when she is ready to get into relationships again and has found another boyfriend who is also a christian a few years down the road, you prob wont be her best boyfriend anymore. why will you be? you only gave her troubles, tears, problems, hurt and fear. she wants to move on without you. she can not remember the past then why cant you? you are so fucking stupid. maybe you shld just die or end up in a coma and not to wake up again. this way, you wont be hurt anymore and forever stay in your world of the past. at the same time, she dont have to live in fear for you anymore. she can carry on with her life, with her church, with her studies and her future with a christian guy who can really understand her and not give her all these problems you gave her. you know your chances are slim but you still refuse to give up and hope for the best and do things for her and try to change. she wont want you to do things for her in the first place. is she or will she be touched in the first place? its all your fault.. all these are caused by you, you bloody useless, good for nothing asshole. may you be doomed for ethernity.. hahahahahahah... forever..... you suck for bringing so much suffering to her and others.... BIG TIME.... SUCKER...