Thursday, February 03, 2005
is it fate or is it that heaven is being cruel to me again, playing me and trying to inflict hurt into me again? of all topics, the sociology lecture today must be on family, marriage and relationships. why must heaven do this to me? am i not miserable enough? why must the lecture be on family and marriage? talking to her on the phone just now, wanting so much to tell her that i miss her but i cant. when she hanged up the phone, wanted to say the words "take care sweetheart" but again, i cant. wondered if she is thinking of me or has she ever thought of me after we broke up. not in worried about me but just thinking of me, even if its only for just a second. think i sort of know the answer. haiz.. heard her sing on the phone just now. her singing is so nice, her voice so sweet and beautiful. after she get into the idol, more people will soon know her and her talents. probably at that time and very likely it will, she will find herself having more suitors again. at that time, my chances will probably be even lower. or maybe my chances are already zero and i dont have a chance anymore? teared when she sang just now for it reminded me of the times when she sang "cradle", lullabys and other songs to me. will i get to hear her sing songs to me again, just for me? n i really meant it when i said her singing was very good and nice. she said i lied to her last time. was really shocked and hurt when she said that. yes, i may have broken my promise before but i have never ever lied to her before. every single word i said to her are all true from the bottom of my heart. if she still think that i have lied to her before, then i have nothing to say either. i can vow that i have never ever lied to her before. i have broken my promise to her but never once have i lied to her. if any part of what i say is not true, may i die a horrible death..