Monday, February 14, 2005
today is valentine's day already.. she got the flowers i gave her.. so glad that she received it. was so afraid that it will be given to the wrong person.. valentine's day.. the day i got to know her name and her handphone number last year. thought that this year's valentine's day can be spent with her and that she will be my valentine but in the end, still have to spend it alone aagin.. maybe i am fated to spend valentine's day alone. maybe i am destined to never be able to have a girlfriend or someone who loves me.. maybe in the first place, both of us are not meant or fated tp be together in the first place. fate or heaven must have made a mistake by bringing us together. a very big mistake.. she probably felt that we wont be together or not meant to be together in the first place also. why am i crying again? why cant i control myself? she wasnt meant to be mine right from the start. maybe she shouldnt have called me on the 18th of april last year to clarify things. she should have just let me continue to think that she didnt like me at all. if she felt that we cant be together eventually because of our religion difference, why call me and tell me that she likes me also, and eventually, starting our relationship? afterall, she wants a partner who not only loves her, but also a soul mate whom she can communicate with spiritually. if she knows i cant do so, why call me that day, giving me hopes that this difference can be worked out, but eventually still insistent that it cant be worked out afterall. and why am i so stubborn at that time, insisting that we give each other a chance again when she wanted to end it just 5 days after we started. its all my fault.. i shouldnt have been so stubborn. i brought all this onto myself.. i deserved it. why must such a stubborn person like me exist in this world? maybe i shouldnt anymore...