Tuesday, March 29, 2005
blog ah blog. know what? she looked so beautiful in her new tj uniform today. a brand new start and a brand new life for her. really miss her and thinking of her so much now. but sid she miss me or think of me? it seems like she is not. she used to say how much she missed me and how difficult it will be to get used to without me by her side. but now it doesnt seem to be so. she is getting used to it and in fact, is getting along so very well. for me, i really cant get used to without her and i still cant. what i said are all true and i meant it. so difficult and miserable to pass each day without her. even now, we dont seem to be able to keep in contact much already. she didnt really reply my sms and we seldom talked on the phone now. its like i'm back to the time before i met her, seldom calling and sms-ing. its only when i met her that my talktime and sms increased but now, there is so little talktime and so little sms-ing, especially now, 3 months plus after she left me. know she is really busy with her schoolwork and her new life. so busy that she has no time for me. prob she has even 'forgotten' me as a friend or dont treat me as one anymore. from where i was in her heart to where i am now, this thought is too heartbreaking and my heart is bleeding so profusely, literally. in so much pain right now and all i can think of is her. cough till my chest like going to burst like that, spinning headache and starting to run a temp already. it's so xing ku. why must everything come together? thought that i can taste the iron taste of blood in my mouth just now. at that moment, all that appeared in my mind is her and thinking of how she used to pat on my chest when i cough. really miss that feeling so much, you know blog? i miss it so very much. especially during the chalet, when i was coughing so very badly at night. that soft and gentle pat, the amazing touch. the pain seem to go away instantly the moment her hand land on my chest. if i could just experience this feeling of her patting on my chest, feeling her warm hands and touch again, i wont regret even if i have to die straight away. living in this way is so meaningless. just wish that i can feel her gentle touch once more but that will almost be an impossible wish. think i'll just end here tonight blog. the headache is killing me.......