Wednesday, March 23, 2005
blog, blog. i feel so miserable and horrible now. i dont know what to do now anymore. i just miss her so much so much. i cant stop thinking of her and cant stop missing her. told myself that i must endure and no matter what i must get to that day. it's getting nearer but i dont know if i am able to sustain it till then. i feel like giving up now and in fact, i have already stopped doing what i told myself i must do. i cant bring myself to do so. starting for the first 1 or 2 days yes, but after that, i cant do it anymore. just like moments ago, i did not do what i told myself i must do till that day. i cant do it. i just cant do it!!! i will rather die than continue doing what i am supposed to do. but then, i must continue to do so. if she is able to do so, why cant i be able to also? i kept asking myself this question but i know deep down i will not be able to. in a way, she is 'helping' me unknowingly (or does she know?) and i feel so very terrible. i cant take it anymore. i'm going to break down real soon. it seems so near yet so far away. when will the day arrive? i cant wait or hold on any much longer. help me.......................