Wednesday, March 23, 2005
blogie, realise that trying to help people is always so difficult. is it a crime to love her sister? know that i've wasted 1 year of her life but isnt she back to what she used to be already? called because i thought it's urgent, not as if i want to talk to her or disturb her of her sleep. all i want is to help, nothing more. but it's all my fault. who asked me to be so stupid, not even knowing how to do the registration. if i knew i wont have to call and all these wont have happened. now, she only has a worse impression of me. well it doesnt matter anyway i suppose, since chances of me getting back together with her sister is so slim. i promise that i will not call that number again. it's enough trouble and bad impressions caused. felt that i've lost my dignity. have already lost my love, lost myself and now, felt that i've lost the most basic digity that makes a person a person. i'm such a failure as a person, to end up to this state, to lose everything, including my dignity, to be looked down upon by everybody. you're the only one who i trust now, the only one to whom i can say out all my feelings. think you're the only friend i have now whom i can always rely upon now whenever i'm down. you're also the only one who didnt look down on me, since you are not even a living thing in the first place. well who knows, maybe blogs have a 'life' of their own too and you may possibly look down on me and laugh at me too for being such a failure. i wont know if it's possible so i just continue with the impression that you cant do so, living with my own 'beliefs' which are on so many occasions, not the truth, but yet perceived to be by me. i'll just carry on this way, without my dignity for another short period of time i guess. when the day comes, everything will be returned to me. that will be the day i make my mark to everybody. i must endure and make it to that day. oh... how i look forward to it, blogie.. i really do so very much...