Tuesday, April 19, 2005
why must you torment and torture me like this? what have i done wrong to deserve all this? if you dont love me or if you hate me just say so. why say you still love me and then put me through such a slow torture? if you still love me you wouldn't have done this to me. how can you bear to do this to me? you know that i cant do without you and you leaving me is already so painful to me. and now, not contacting me and not bothering about me. you know i cant not contact you and now you are doing it to me. after all that i've done and put in, this is what i get in return. to be put through such a torture, to be treated this way and in the end, be ignored totally and no longer friends. what be very good friends. all are not what you sincerely meant. everything you said are never true or never happened at all. all this while, you are the one who broke your promises and you are the one who lied. and to say that you hate liars when you yourself are lying. never thought that you can be so cruel and heartless. help me? now i know what you mean by helping me. to get me into all this pain, to let everybody know what a useless person i am, and when this is achieved, get rid of all contact, friendship and everything with me. well, you've got what you always wanted. to get rid of me and to see me suffer. you must be happy and satisfied now aren't you. to have achieved your goal. this must have been the day you have been waiting for so long. carrying out your plan for 1 year, making me believe that you love me with all those promises and words and cards, making me love you more and more each day, doing everything for you in the hope of really be able to be with you forever, making me be so serious to this relationship and then after i've fallen heads over heels for you, breakup with me, breaking my heart into pieces and then yesterday on 18th april, so as to cause the maximum hurt, knowing how much i value this date, stopped being friends with me and stopped all contact with me. that was such a successful and detailed planning. concerned about me? are you really concerned about me? or are you concerned if i am still alive so that i can get to 18th april so that you can cause the maximum hurt to me? nothing can feel worse than this. to be fooled, tortured and betrayed by the person you love so much, someone you are willing to do everything for, and in the end, to be treated as a stranger by her. now i know everything i did so willingly for you are all foolish wishful thinking of my part, thinking and believing that you are really touched and appreciate it and that everything you said are real. i'm really so gullible to even up till now, believe that you still love me. just dont understand why you can actually bear to do this to me without even feeling anything. maybe it's because you have never truly loved me so that's why you dont feel anything about the past or feel anything by hurting me and torturing me this way. deep in your heart, maybe you have never truly loved me. if you did, you wont bear to see me suffer in this way. all there is to blame is me, for falling so deeply in love with you and not heeding other people's advice of not to be so serious and treat the relationship so seriously. this is my greatest weakness, to really love a person so deeply when i love someone. maybe there really isnt such a thing as true love and a serious relationship leading to marriage. i was so stupid to believe this, that being serious and true to the person you love will really lead to being together forever. maybe relationships are really not meant to be taken so seriously but as an experience of courting the person you want. and you've achieved that, dont be so serious. i refused to believe this and now i'm paying the price. for you, guess you must be happy that you have achieved your goal. hope that you really are happy for doing this to me. no matter what you have done to me, i will not hate you. my feelings towards you will always be the same, regardless of how much pain you are causing me or how much you are torturing me. in my heart, you will alwys be the one person whom i truly and sincerely love, even if you do not love me. will remember the days when we were still together and when we were still friends. that's a promise.