Sunday, September 18, 2005
wondering if you are reading this. guess chances are that you are not. you prob wont want to bother about me or have anything to do with me anymore isnt it? but do you know how much i miss you, how much i kept thinking of you, wondering how you have been. know you prob are doing fine and well but there is just something that made me keep thinking and worrying about you. its 18th sept today and it brought back sad memories again. memories of what we did on this day last year, going to the food fair at suntec to celebrate. this is so painful do you know? i'm trying to move on, but yet you didnt give me any chances to. how can you do this to me? you said everything and went back on everything. why did you extend my pain and suffering? if you want to ignore me, you should have done so last year and not come back to stop me. how can you be so cruel to me, playing time by your side, using it to cut off everything with me. i know i caused you to be living in worries but i already said i'm sorry and wont do it again. why cant you give me another chance? is it really so much to ask from you to just be friends, or just to have a talk to clarify everything? you said you wanted to clarify everything but you have not. i'm not good at catching hints. why must you give me hints when you know i usually dont catch them? just because you do not want to live in worries that i will commit suicide, you decided to cut off all communications and stop being friends with me so that you can live each day peacefully with an ease of heart? guess you wont be bothered now also if i do it again. why am i so soft hearted? why did i give in? why did i believe that you will cry and grief everyday? will you now? not to say everyday, will you even drop a tear now if i'm dead now? will you even know it in the first place? had a beautiful dream on friday. but will it come true? all the bad dreams and nightmares have all come true? will this beautiful dream come true also? should i wait? or should i not anymore? had already waited so long. i'm so tired. nobody cares. nobody bothers. even you dont bother about me now, whats there in life for me anymore? once thought that you really cared for me but i was wrong. there is just no place left for me anymore. just a meal and have to get scolded tat much. yes its my fault.. yes i'm not a man of my word. i broke my promise. i broke my other promises. since i had already done so so many times, whats 1 more? going to be the last anyway. just because of this, cant even go back happily, have the meal happily. and to know that the issue is about having to wait for me to wash up the dishes. hah.. the dishes!! not about not eating together, not about not being there.. but actually about having to wait to do the dishes... care? haha.. where is the care? you call that care? you call that concern? all of you are wrong.. there is none for me.. i dont belong here. no i dont. why am i even in this world in the first place? somebody tell me.. this is so unfair.. this is so very unfair......