Thursday, October 27, 2005
just came back from sending the cake, cards and present to her house. felt so very miserable now. did something which i do not want to do, but yet i got no other choice to not to. cant believe and cant accept the fact that after today, we will forever be strangers, that i will not contact her, send her email or sms her anymore. totally nothing, totally out of her life for good. i cant accept this fact. i just cant accept it. this is so painful that how i wish i can just die but yet i said i wont kill myself. how long will i be able to last before i lose control? put on a brave frontm forcing myself to write the letter, but in actual fact, i just cant take the truth. i'm actually very weak. so much weaker than thought. already now, i'm feeling the pain so badly. i'm crying right now. i'm hitting things right now. i'm hitting myself now. i'm screaming now. i really just cant believe this is it. that this is how it all ends. i miss her so much. so very much. oh pls, somebody kill me pls. spare me of this agony.