Friday, December 09, 2005
had emotional swings again the past few days. kept thinking of her and missing her and feeling so terrible, especially when in town. kept remembering how we used to shop for christmas deco last year in orchard last year. kept thinking how nice and wonderful it will be to be able to shop and go out with her during this holidays. really miss her so much and want to be friends with her, to be able to meet her again, to have a meal or watch a movie. wonder how she is now. she prob is getting along fine but thinking of how she is but yet unable to ask her or know is so painful and heart wrenching. this feeling is getting worse the past few days and felt such a great pressure building up inside me, ready to burst anytime. i can no longer control my emotions anymore. really miss her so much but yet have to keep it to myself. just this morning, dreamt of her again. in the dream, i saw her and i was hugging her very closely, not wanting to let go. the next moment, it changed to me wanting to hold her hand. cant really rememeber what happened but after that, she let go and make me wrap my fingers around her thumb and hold it instead,with tears starting to form in her eyes, and i did. wanted to go forward to hug her but at that moment, i woke up, with my fingers curled in the position as if i really am holding something. tried to go back to sleep and continue the dream again but the dream didnt come back. why must i wake up at that moment. is it a sign that i will never be able to go close to her again? what about the earlier part? why is she tearing? what is the significance of this dream? will it come true? will i be able to see her again or hug her like in the past again? so many questions. so much pain, so much agony. still thinking of the dream now and feeling even worse now. when will i get the answers? will i ever get them? sharon, i miss you so much. i know i'm wrong. please dont do this to me anymore. i really cant take it. please forgive me. please.......... lets be friends again, can we? i really am sorry.