Monday, December 12, 2005
missing you so much now, do you know? thinking of you, wondering what you are doing now, whether you are fine but yet unable to ask you all these, call you, sms you or contact you and have to suppress all these inside me is so painful. dont know what you are doing now, where you are now, just like exactly 1 year ago when you were in malaysia for holiday. how i wish i can see you again. how i wish i can talk to you again. how i wish i can go out with you again, shopping for things. how i wish i can be at orchard with you during this christmas period. 2 more weeks or so, school will be reopening for you. not that you will want to go out with me but by that time, you will be very busy and will probably have not much time to go out anymore. really wish to be able to go out with you during this holiday but that is most likely not possible and when school reopens again, its even more not possible. my biggest regret for this holiday is being unable to go out with you, not even for a meal nor to wish you a merry christmas. in fact, having to get out of your life is my biggest regret and pain, to actually know that you wanted me out of your life so much, so much that you didnt say a thank you for everything on your birthday. not that i want a thank you but the fact that you dont even say so even though you do not want to have anything to do with me, to want me out of your life, is just so painful, so heart wrenching. my heart hurts so very much sharon. my heart is still bleeding. emotional pain has long taken over physical pain. real physical pain dont even concern or bother me now. only you can make me whole again sharon. you and only you. even if its just to be friends. if i can see you, talk to you and go out with you again, i will have no more regrets im my life anymore. nothing can change the regret for losing you and not being able to be with you forever but hopefully the other regret of not being able to be friends and being out of your life, being strangers till the day we breathe our last can be removed. will it be able to? will you even be reading this? am i just writing this to myself, for me to read myself, to express out my suppressed feeling so that i wont turn insane? guess only you will know the answer. be careful, take care of yourself, have fun and enjoy yourself. i know you definitely will. i can only pray and think of you from far away. goodnight and sweetdreams.