Saturday, January 06, 2007
was a very sad night tonight. 1st of all, it was the scouts. sigh. felt that i had failed to train them even after 3 long years, with this coming year the 4th. they spent the entire afternoon and only got 6 tripods done. and the tripods were not of quality standard either. their lashings are loose and messy. cancelled my plan for the afternoon to stay in tk to see how they are doing and at the end of it all, felt so miserable and sad that this is all that they did. was already feeling not very good and over at suntec, saw many students from tj and vj having their dinner cum gathering there after their orientation. that sight made me think of my orientation days and how i envied them. missed the fun we had then in year 1, although i am a person who is not very fond of orientation.
on the way back to hall, the driver of the bus was driving very fast since very little passengers boarded or alighted the bus. for no reason, the accident exactly 2 fridays ago came in to my mind and there is this little fear in me, a fear that the bus that i am on may be involved in an accident, judging from the speed of the bus. thank God the bus reached the terminal safely but as it passed the accident spot, i caught a glimpse of the traffic police notification for eye-witness board. the sign has been changed from "serious accident" to "fatal accident". i was totally shocked and speechless. the driver had died. i was so sad, so depressed i would say, that i kept asking why. why must this happen. why didnt the doctors at the hospital try harder to save her. why must such a tragic incident happen? she is only in her 20s and has a long way to go and now, a young life is gone. why must it be like this? why cant it be that she woke up from her coma and recovered? why must it end by her dying? why? so many questions and yet none can be answered. guess everything happen for a reason. whatever the reason is, only God will know. guess i will stop here tonight. been a very emotional night for me. i want to cry. i want to break down. i want to but i cant. i musn't. i need refuge from all these emotions now. God's refuge. i need calmness and peace in my heart now. at this very moment now.
"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble." - Psalms 9:9