Thursday, March 10, 2005
haiz.. suddenly all the things i was looking forward to this weekend is just dashed. thought that i can have a chance to do jobweek with her and see her during the weekend for 3 days. was looking so forward to the weekend and this kept me 'going' even though i was super tired. was telling myself that after today, tomorrow will be a freeday and then sat, sun, mon and tue can see her already. was even preparing to clean up my room so that mon when she is doing her work, it wont be so dirty. but now, not only will i not get to see her on mon, i wont even get to see her on sat and sun too. the things that kept me going are just dashed again. dont even know if i can get to see her on sat anymore or not. prob wont even get to see her already if even on sat i dont get to see her. really shouldnt look forward to things, look forward to the future. its time i learn my lesson. happened once and i still didnt learn, and now it happened again. dreams and hopes are just all bullshit and fake. why look forward to something? it usually doesnt come true, at least for me. haha.. lost all the motivation to do my work now. was so determined to do my work tonight because i know the weekend and the next few days i will be busy so i had better do them now. but now, there's no need to anymore. and i dont care either. work has been piling up, lectures not understood, tests failed anyway. why do i even feel pressuried and stressed due to my schoolwork? one half of me is concerned and worried and the other half is not and cant be bothered. this is driving me crazy... aahhh... why must i suffer all this? can somebody please end my misery? somebody please......................................
