Sunday, March 27, 2005
never felt so painful before. my life is really so cheap and so worthless. nobody in the world cares about my feelings or me anymore. wonder why i am still in this world where nobody bothers about my well being.. and all my guesses are right again.. i'm just a nobody now.. 3 hours ago my guess proven. the reason why she didnt ask me is because she know i will most likely not response.. by going i will only cause more disappointment. must really control myself more. only then will i not make angry or frustrated anymore. she can get on with her happy and wonderful life with bright future. everything is getting better and better for her. her life is improving and she can definitely do so much better without me around. she's happy with what she has doing now and by right i should be happy for her too. so i prob should stay out of her life. there is maybe no place there for me anymore. can already see the big, clear and obvious difference. by staying, i only mess up her life, like how i did last year. sooner or later, whatever feelings she has now will most likely diminish with time and get replaced. what she had said last time about forever cant be taken into account anymore, i guess, as they most likely are going to be broken again, just like the rest. so why bother living such a painful life? it's so pointless.. it's going to be very painful but not for very much longer. i can carry on doing on what i want to do without interference.. prob that's the best for everybody. let her continue what she really loves and for me, to leave while i still have some minute standing.......
