Tuesday, May 24, 2005
it's now the end of the public holiday. and i didnt get to go out with her today or meet her today. who knows when i will get to see her or go out with her again. this june holidays i wont get to see her also. and when school reopens, i wont get to see her again. probably i will never get to see her ever again in my life. really miss her and going out with her so much. thought of all the times we went shopping, went to watch movies, went to eat together today as i roamed about the places we went to together in the past, the places we ate before and the places we shopped together before. in fact, have been doing this every single day since my exams ended 24 days ago. all i can do now is to relive the memories. and now, i have not even seen her for 1 and a half months already. this past 1 and a half months, so many things have changed. her attitude towards me have changed so much. she's no longer concerned or worried about me anymore. doubt she will even miss me. maybe not even when i'm gone. seems like i am really becoming to be an insignificant part of her life already. offered to give her 10 year series and past year papers, purely for the sake of wanting to help her but she seems so reluctant, like she does not want my things or anything to do with me anymore. though she's not ignoring me as much now, she still doesnt reply my sms or answer my calls. she dont even send me morning sms anymore, unlike 3 months ago when she still does. now, she feels that there is no need to do so anymore. who knows what will happen a few months down the road. or will there even be months for me? feel so sad that things have ended up in this state, from what used to be such good and close friends, able to talk about anything to now friend who are like so strangers to one another. from what used to be so loving together to now now even able to see her since 1 and a half months ago, go out with her, and her not wanting to see me. now that she has found the real love of her life, i guess i am no longer so anymore. does she still love me, like she said she still does 3 months back? that will be a question i will never get to know anymore. and if there indeed is a time where she will answer this question and meet me again, i doubt i will even be able to hear it with my own ears or see her with my own 2 eyes anymore. whatever is said, i probably wont answer anymore either. it will all just be a one way conversation, pretty much like what it is now. well then, guess that's all for tonight. wish all the couples now a loving lifetime together, forever and ever, never to part. this is something which i have lost, probably forever. goodnight and sweetdreams.
